"Biding My Time"

This post is being written for the benefit of my Mother mostly, who is helping me overcome my current bout of restlessness, and would be better armed to do so, I think, by knowing the details of my current mindset.


Hopefully, my sister gets a chance to read too, as this entry may serve to flesh out the comment that I am “biding my time” that I had recently disclosed to her.


If anyone else is interested, that’s excellent as writing this is certainly my pleasure.


I can tell you that right now, my daily work is not actively engaging me in the ways I had hoped it would. The statute of limits on my attention span for rather mundane activities is being slowly exhausted.


I have been a bit discreet with the following news: I am currently in the hiring pipeline for an intriguing government position. I am convinced that this position would be satisfying to me – in the very unlikely case that I am selected.


It has not been indicated to me that I am prohibited from talking about this potential job. However, it is secretive enough in nature that I figured disclosing it at any greater a level of detail than I am doing now would, at the very least, serve no good purpose and, worse, may jinx my prospects of being hired.


That said (and totally unrelated), what I once thought was a strong case of nostalgia has proven to be a very real and lasting desire to return to the military.


This surely is not a passing desire. I first discussed the issue on this blog way back in April of 2010.


Next month, on the 15th of August, my contract officially ends with the United States Army Reserve. This was a date that I had long thought would afford me the opportunity to return to the active duty Army. Unfortunately, the same prohibitions stated in the Army Recruiting Command’s “Business Rules” (discussed in the blog entry linked in the preceding paragraph) continue to persist today, and continue to restrict my accession to active duty.


While in the Army Reserve, I had been drilling with a Special Forces National Guard unit as a candidate and had been doing well in this endeavor. Of course, as my contract expires, so does that opportunity.


The easy option may seem to be for me to reenlist in to the National Guard and continue the path with the Special Forces. Unfortunately, some past irresponsibility is coming back to haunt me now, and is making this option less than viable.


In full disclosure, during my freshman year of college, I was delinquent on some debt. These accounts went to a “charged off” status, and I have been working diligently to repay them all since the day I was hired at my current position and, when I could, even before that.


I am at the point now that I have successfully repaid all of these debts save for one account, which I currently only owe a few hundred dollars, and am scheduled to pay by automatic withdrawal on an agreed-upon settlement plan.


Despite the diligence I believe I have demonstrated in overcoming my past mistakes, the National Guard recruiter with whom I am currently working is not convinced that my credit record is sufficiently cleared to allow me to acquire the security clearance needed to reenlist into the National Guard.


This recruiter is working hand-in-hand with me, and has been extremely helpful. I think that once this last account is taken care of, I should be (or at least close to) fully qualified for the clearance needed to consider National Guard options.


So this basically leaves me with nothing presently, except to keep, as the title of this entry suggests, “biding my time.”


I wake up every single weekday morning at 4:30 a.m. to run the one mile to my local gym. I work out hard in order to condition my body for any opportunity in which my high level of fitness may be applied. I run the mile back home, and am in the door, preparing for work, by 7 a.m.


I am in the office by 8:30, and I do everything possible to ensure that I maintain an impeccable work reputation. I’m home by 5:30 p.m. My eyes are so intently on the prize that I do not even allow myself to divert even gingerly from an incredibly disciplined diet, lifestyle, and routine.


I have abstained completely from alcohol since January of 2010. I do not consume simple carbohydrates. My nutritional intake is comprised mostly of water, proteins, and coffee; I would be the “American Psycho” if only I were more financially successful.


I’m in bed most nights by 7:00 p.m., because, quite frankly, I am excited at that point to wake up and hit the gym again the following morning. I typically read until 7:30 and then happily succumb to sleep. I would say that, next to the gym, right now my most satisfying recreational activity is the study of the Russian language, which I have been dedicated, I think, in pursuing.


And this is my life – just “biding my time.”


I am convinced that I am preparing myself for something, and that my tireless dedication, discipline, and hard work will eventually provide rewards. I am not, however, blind to how much in terms of life’s enjoyment that I am sacrificing in my all-consuming endeavor to better myself.


I only hope to one day look back with the satisfaction that I had been “biding my time” for good reason.