"Doing Enough"...

“Why is it everything is going my way but I still feel like I’m not doing enough?”

I am choosing not to disclose the identity of the sender of this text message that I received last night if only because I presume that he (or she) would probably not choose willingly to be identified as the cause of another one of my many probably-all-too-introspective blog posts.

Nevertheless, reading this text this morning had a tremendous effect on my outlook as I headed in to this new day.

The text’s creator attributed its delivery to she (or he) having been drinking during the writing of the message.

While I believe that alcohol may have contributed to the “send” button being pressed, I think something stronger than inebriation led to the text’s words.

The only evidence that I have to support this hypothesis is the very fact that I so strongly relate, personally, with the sentiment that “everything is going my way but I still feel like I’m not doing enough”.

A recent upturn in personal good fortune, no doubt due, in some part, to my own recent healthier decision-making, has resulted in my current lifestyle being as comfortable and secure as it has ever been.

Yet, for several reasons, I daily struggle with the feeling of inadequacy in my own contribution to the greater good. I am certainly not "doing enough”.

I work in Washington, D.C., a location ripe with reminders of how extraordinary man can be. I doubt many are as emotionally impacted by the historical significance of the Capitol environment as I. Almost inexplicably, I feel overwhelmed by passion each and every time I encounter any of D.C.’s numerous landmarks and monuments.

Visits to the Arlington National Cemetery only serve to reinforce the reverberations of these reflections.

This is the site of the final resting place for many individuals that I once served with. I never lament for these lost brethren, but for the suffering of their families, and in doing so, I selfishly wonder if I am doing enough to make the most of this one life I am promised, especially given the very real awareness that this opportunity (at life) can be so easily, unexpectedly, and quickly taken away.

Daily, I am driven to better myself in the pursuit of total preparation for whatever role I will eventually fulfill in my effort to “do enough”.

Yet, in this preparation, I am disappointed by my own intellectual and physical deficiencies. I can never be ready quick enough. I am haunted by the fear that if my opportunity to “do enough” were presented now, I may be ill-equipped to embark upon it. Constant failings harden my resolve.

I can not acquire Russian language proficiency nearly as quickly as I desire no matter the intensity of my study.

I can not run fast enough. My own level of athleticism always seems just a bit less than what conditions require.

Apprehension of the Arabic language is a goal that, despite my daily study, often seems just out of grasp.

I simply can not rapidly reacquire the math skills needed to ace the graduate exam, so as to prepare myself for further university schooling.

But, I continue every day like “a man possessed”, because, quite literally, I am a man possessed. I am possessed by this never ceasing sentiment that despite “everything going my way”, “I’m not doing enough”.

I truly believe that because of the aptitudes I was fortunate to be born with and, more importantly, because of my uncommon determination, that the level of “enough” expected of me is much greater than that required to be given by my peers.

The sentiment of last night’s text message could not have rang more true.

My friend, we are not “doing enough”. And, despite our greatest of efforts, we are not preparing doggedly “enough”. That is because, for us, "enough" is a level that increasingly ascends the nearer we get to it.

No matter our impact, I believe we have a very true obligation to always do more in pursuit of “doing enough”.

We are obligated to the fallen brethren we served with, and the promise to make the most of the opportunity they no longer have.

We are obligated to the legacies of extraordinary men who came before us, and the need to emerge from the shadows their great statures’ cast.

And, most importantly, we are obligated to our own potential.  It sets for us a lofty level of “enough” that we both know is unattainable. 

Yet, we must never quit in pursuit of it because it is during its pursuit that we may contribute in such a way so as to honor those to whom we are obligated...